We just wrapped up day 2. I’m tired. I’m upset. I just want to go to bed but my head is full of everything I just discovered about myself. I learned that often times we resist, we regret, we get revenge, and ultimately we resign. None of those things help us grow instead we experience decline or decay and still wonder why we haven’t gotten to point B. I’m beginning to understand the theme of this seminar now: we are realizing what is stopping us from getting to point B.
Why are we still stuck at point A and not moving forward? A lot of us think we know the answer and we do. So we sit there with that answer but refuse to act on it. Why?
The why is why we’re all here. It’s what is stopping us. It’s the victim. We blame circumstances around us – external or internal – the economy, lack of money, etc. These are all limitations we place on ourselves when really we can choose to ignore those because who ultimately controls our destiny – it’s us – not the external/internal factors but who we are inside.
I dug deep into my relationships and shared those with my group. I realized I’m still living life with a guarded heart. I have issues with trust that are rooted back to the first relationship that completely destroyed me and a part of me thinks all relationships will be that way. I can’t let go and accept. I have embraced the fact that I needed that relationship in order to learn from it. I am considering it a blessing. Isn’t that an odd concept? I also have deep rooted issues with my parents and what they want from me. I’m afraid of what they’ll think when in fact I should just learn to be who I am and be open to the fact that they might accept this new me. That concept is still foreign to me.
In the end when they had us listening to Desperado, I realized I needed to let go of my armor, take a risk, and give myself completely. I had to make a promise to myself and the verbal agreements that I make everyday that I would stop blaming the past and live for the future.
Day 3 starts in just a few hours and it’s supposed to be the hardest day of my life. I can’t wait to see what I learn and how I grow through that.